Make Me Beautiful (2018-)

I grew up witnessing the burgeoning cosmetic surgery industry, surrounded by judgements about my own appearance, feeling a strong connection to the millions in China who were reportedly seeking aesthetic transformation. I turned to photography as a means to confront my anxieties about my looks, the societal beauty ideals, and explore the mechanisms behind the cosmetic surgery scene in China.

I visited over thirty cosmetic surgery clinics with my self-portrait. The consultants there, who called themselves "beauty designers", used a variety of tools to assess my face, and map out surgery plans on my portrait. In an authoritative tone, they meticulously pointed out my facial "flaws". Sometimes, they immediately let me choose from the most popular prototypes of desired faces, like choosing products from a shelf. They told me that a face could be a "permit" to my dream life…I smelled my desires and weaknesses.

While 'collaborating' with the clinics on the diagnosis portraits, I photographed their interiors, which features an ambiguous coexistence of medical and commercial elements. I also collected pre-surgery portraits of people who have undergone cosmetic surgeries, taken by clinics and posted on cosmetic surgery portal websites for promotion, covered with the websites’ watermarks. Despite being photographed in an objective manner, they reveal to me a mixture of feelings from melancholy to puzzlement, hope, restlessness, determination, nostalgia...They remind me of death masks used to preserve faces after death, post-mortem photography, or all photographs that are indexical of mortality. I removed the watermarks from the portraits, transformed them into masks that I wore, and added new watermarks featuring Chinese words associated with appearance shaming on both our faces. And, inspired by the 'portrait-robot' - a tool used by 20th century police to create facial composites of criminal suspects, I removed our facial features, which is both a documentary of faces stigmatized, and a resistance against the social gaze. I also cut patterns on my portraits, 'transplanting' their experience onto me. At this moment, they are me and I am them.

我在成长过程中见证了整形产业的兴起，也经历过无数次外貌评判。它们在我心里播下了一个种子。为了直面自己的外貌焦虑和社会的审美标准，以及出于对医美整形产业运作机制的好奇，我开始以影像为媒介探究这一议题。

我拿着自己的肖像照去了三十多家整形医美诊所就诊。自称为“美丽设计师”的咨询师们用各种工具测量我的脸，在照片上画下诊断和治疗方案。她/他们以不容置疑的语气指出了种种“缺陷”，紧接着提出许多具体方案供我挑选，像在介绍货架上琳琅满目的商品一样，并不断暗示，一张全新的脸将会赋予我怎样的美丽人生……我嗅到了自己在消费主义逻辑下的欲望和脆弱。

在和诊所“合作”完成肖像照的间隙，我拍摄了诊所的室内景观，试图在其中捕捉医疗和商业的暧昧共存。除此之外，我也收集了大量医美网站案例的整形前照片，照片上无一例外地满布着网站水印，这些所谓被客观拍摄的面无表情的脸上，浮现出复杂的情绪：困惑、希望、不安、坚决……它们令我想到在摄影术流行前用来保存遗像的死亡面具，继而想到所有照片——拍摄的瞬间也意味着这一瞬间的逝去。于是，我把这些面孔做成照片面具，戴在脸上，以评判外貌的中文流行词汇替代原来的水印内容，再度覆盖我们的肖像，并参考二十世纪警方拼凑犯罪嫌疑人肖像的方式，移除了所有的五官。我还将自己的肖像照切割、重叠，试图把她们的经历“移植”到我的脸上。在这一刻，她们是我，我是她们。

Make Me Beautiful (2018-)

I grew up witnessing the burgeoning cosmetic surgery industry. Reports of millions in China seeking aesthetic transformations left me feeling deeply connected, as I grew up surrounded by judgements about my appearance. I turned to photography as a means to confront my anxieties about my looks, the societal beauty ideals, and explore the mechanisms behind the cosmetic surgery scene in China.

I went to over 30 cosmetic surgery clinics with my self portrait, and asked the 'beauty designers' there to scrutinize my face and map out surgery plans on my portrait. They meticulously pointed out my "flaws", while sometimes letting me choose from the most popular prototypes of faces I want to have, like choosing products from a shelf. They told me face is a "permit" to my dream life. I smelled my desires and weaknesses.

The work is composed of the diagnoses of my face, cosmetic surgery landscape, and recreation of pre-surgery portraits of people who have had cosmetic surgeries, taken by clinics and posted on cosmetic surgery portal websites as a promotion. I found myself deeply intrigued by these portraits. Despite being taken in an objective manner, they reveal to me a mixture of feelings from melancholy to puzzlement, hope, restlessness, determination, nostalgia…They remind me of death masks, post-mortem photography, or any photograph that hints at a moment of death.

生于九十年代的我，在成长过程中见证了整形产业的兴起，也经历过无数次外貌评判。它们在我心里种下了一个种子，2018年，出于一丝想要自我实验的心态，以及对医美整形产业背后运作机制的好奇，我开始我开始以影像为媒介探究这一议题。

我拿着自己的肖像照去不同的诊所寻求诊断，让“美丽设计师”们在我的脸上画下诊断和”治疗“方案。除了指出我的种种”缺陷“外，她/他们提出了不同方案的选项，供我随意挑选，像在货架上挑选商品一样，并通过精心设计的话术，暗示我一张全新的脸将会赋予我的理想人生。我嗅到了自己在强大的消费主义逻辑下的欲望和脆弱。

在和诊所“合作”完成肖像之余，我拍摄了整形医院的室内景观。除此之外，我收集了医美网站案例的“整形前”照片，移除了网站的水印，又用刀子对肖像做了处理。最后为这些肖像配上了我手写的在网络上收集的、来自整形者的感想。其中既有真实的感想，也有医美网站上看似感想的营销话术片段。这些“整形前”照片令我想到死亡面具和19世纪的死后摄影，甚至是所有照片——在拍摄的瞬间就意味着这一瞬间的逝去。